I feel like I’m floating between two lives, no longer part of the old, but not quite in the new yet.
It’s a strange, uncertain place, where nothing and nobody feels solid or safe. But then there’s them, my two rocks, my two dogs, arrived after me just yesterday.
They don’t ask for explanations or worry about the future. They are simply here, grounding me in the present. In this space where nothing feels certain, they remind me that their love can be a home when I feel like you don’t belong anywhere.
When I decided to move abroad last year, I felt inmediately that I had no real home, even if i lived still in my own flat in Budapest. All the preparation took time, and I thought that once I got here, I would finally feel at peace, especially since I already knew someone, after all, I came for love. But everything here feels uncertain too. I still have that same floating feeling, like I’m stuck between two worlds, belonging to neither. No, as I’m writing this I’m realizing it’s something different.
It’s not just that I’m stucked between two places, it’s starting to feel like neither of them even exists. Like the place I left behind was never real, and the place I’m heading to-if I’m even heading anywhere-might not be real either. Everything is blur. It’s terrifying.
And of course, I know that I’m the one responsible for my dogs, not the other way around. Even so, it feels like they’re the ones keeping me sane right now. I’ll write separately about what it was like to fly them here, because that’s a whole story in itself. But still, right now, they are my rocks, my only ones in this entire city.
