In search of true freedom-chronicles of my everyday struggles and small victories, for now in the Big Apple.
I am a 39-year-old clinical health psychologist, lifestyle medicine practitioner, science communication expert, and multi-book author. Currently, I am writing my dissertation as the world’s first candidate in Medical Futures.
I come from Budapest, Hungary. For a long time, I had been contemplating moving abroad, but it wasn’t until last year-after my old souldog passed away-that I finally decided the time had come.
Since then, I’ve traveled a lot, trying to find the place where I truly want to live. I’ve been to Austria, Slovenia, Croatia, Italy, Switzerland, Germany and France, always looking at each place through the lens of What would it be like to live here? What would I do here?
The problem is, I want everything at once. I want cold winters with snow, but also hot summers filled with the scent of sunscreen. I crave both complete solitude and silence, as well as the pulse and chaos of the city.
I want deep rest, but also to push myself to total exhaustion. I want to disappear, dissolve, and blend into the background, but at the same time, I want to see and be seen, to make an impact. And above all, I want to explore, because unfortunately, I get bored of everything far too quickly.
As an adult, I was diagnosed with ADHD and severe anxiety, something that, in hindsight, explains a lot.
I wasn’t planning the trip to New York, I somehow randomly ended up in a group of strangers and come to visit, without any intention of moving here. I was just coming for ten days. And then, well, I got screwed because I fell in love. Not just with the city, but also with a guy I happened to meet on my very last day here. Ok, with him, I wish I had never met, but that’s another story.
So far, New York seems to be the perfect fit for somebody who wants everything but doesn’t really want anything enough.
Join me, let’s figure out together if NY is a destination or just an other station in my life, on my journey to find my freedom, true love, and a little bit of self-acceptance.
I hope that by sharing my story with you, it might soften the weight of my relentless, aching loneliness 7073 kilometers far from my friends and family, and maybe ease yours too. What I’ve learned in 16 years as a practicing psychologist, it’s this no matter who we are, whether in a relationship, married, single, young, or old… we are all f@cking alone. Even when we’re not.
If there’s one thing I truly know, it’s how to weave words into meaning. So let’s connect through them.
And by connect, I mean truly connect, not the usual social media b@llshit way.
I promise I won’t only show the shiny parts. You’ll see it all, the ugly, the boring, and the happy moments too. And more often than not, you’ll meet two wonderful but crazy australian shepherds, the only loves in my life I can say for sure will last a lifetime.
What a beautiful, small piece of safety it is to be blessed with that, to have someone in my chaotic, unsettled, curious, but mostly terrifying little life. Someone who stays.
So, what do you think, are you ready? Shall we?
I recently attended a lab meeting. I submitted my last paper, a scenario analysis two weeks ago, and now I’m deciding on the topic to focus on for the next 10 months to a year. Of course, like usual, my mentor and I don’t see eye to eye, but I’m
In the land where no one is supposed to judge, where everything is accepted and possible, the land of freedom and possibilities, I met my very first Karen in seven months of living in the U.S. I was walking with my pup, Eliott, wandering among the golden autumn leaves, when a middle-aged
It’s been almost a month without my beloved dog, Ellise. She was my everything, my anchor, my joy, my reason to fight, to hope, the love of my life. Losing her has shattered me in ways I can hardly put into words. The grief is complicated by so many layers
Obsession is more valuable than talent. Talent can lead to overconfidence and carelessness, making you believe you can do anything without consequences. Obsession represents dedication and humility. It’s wanting it more than anyone else, more than everyone, at any cost, no matter what it takes. You may be talented, yes,
“Nobody can counsel and help you, nobody. There is only one way — go into yourself.Search for the reason that bids you write; find out whether it is spreading out its roots in the deepest places of your heart, acknowledge to yourself whether you would have to die if it
Aussies don’t shed – well, they actually do shed. A lot. Real love is patient and waits – as if submission is sacredAn almond a day keeps the body dysmorphia away – as if health means starvationNice girls don’t ghost- as if slow self-erasure is moral high groundHot girl walks
I always show up on Saturday mornings at the nearby coffee shop, like some over-caffeinated Pinterest version of myself, with plans scribbled in the margins of three different notebooks, colorful pens that I will never actually use, and a laptop fully charged, and last but not least, a head full
Grief comes in waves. Some days I’m okay-I eat, I sleep, then out of nowhere, from some unguarded corner, it ambushes me again and takes me down. Morning This morning something happened. Nothing extraordinary – from the outside, you would only see a cute Saturday morning routine of dog and
I’m a PhD candidate, the first in the world in medical foresight. Being the first in the world at something is thrilling; it’s bold. It’s also a massive responsibility, because when you’re doing something the world has never seen, it’s not enough to just do it, you also have to
Good Morning, Nora in New Yorkers!- I greeted my subcribers on Substack earlier today. I wanted to know how it feels to write this, so I wrote it. It’s the first time I’ve let myself be silly in a while. Then I feel guilty: how can I smile when I’ve
A new tattoo is on its way. I didn’t plan for it, didn’t want it, but I still booked an appointment and convinced another grieving friend to do the same. I keep an image in my mind of what I want to see on my skin, crumpled, wet with tears,
When you lose what you loved the most, so unbelievably young, so undeserved, so unfair, so sudden, you’re only left with this aching anger, which slowly sinks into complete numbness, and you realize that Buddha was right about everything. I have already tattooed one of his wise sentences on myself-the
I’m trying to pause and breathe. In my journal, there is only one sentence on repeat for days. What should I do now? What should I do? New York is the kingdom, the city I bled for, where I built dreams out of nothing. It carries cruelty now, grief, and
We got just shy of a year together, two days short.I’m trying not to die from missing you, while secretly wishing I could. It’s unbearable.Find each other up there, my loves. Be there for one another.I wish I could believe that one day, we’ll meet again.Eliott and I are trying
As night approaches, the anxiety grows. The darker the sky gets, the louder my heart pounds.I already get nervous just knowing that I have to sleep soon. I should sleep; otherwise, I will be a zombie tomorrow, and there is so much to do that requires full capacity and focus.
My publisher is flying in from Budapest to New York next week, and we’ll be finalizing the book title, reviewing our cover concepts, and filming some exciting video and photo content for social media and the official marketing campaign. The book is set to launch this November, yaaay! We’ve also
Yesterday I went out to eat with friends, and someone told me, “You are a beautiful, soft-spoken, kind woman, alone in New York. You know, you have to take care; some men will mistake your softness for weakness.” And that hit me, because it’s already happened to me. But I’ve
Liwi is moving back home to Hungary, she should be on the plane now, little Bo in the bag we changed last minute, of course, like moving a life through oceans wouldn’t be challenging enough, we added a bit of spice on top of it. And while my heart is
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