Many people regret the things they didn’t do because they were too scared. But me? I’m the complete opposite. The more scared I am of something, the more I feel like I have to do it. It gets me to some pretty dumb situations. I rarely regret not doing something; instead, I regret the things I did,sometimes while I’m still in the middle of them, or right after.
Like that text I write just for myself to vent, thinking, “I’ll never actually send it,” only to stare at the read receipt later like, “Oh my god, what have you done, you f*cking psycho?”
One of my most recent big decisions was coming to New York , to see if I can make a life here, to figure out what kind of future I can have here, to find out if I belong here. It’s still too early for me to say anything about that, but I’d be happy to talk about my last big decision. It was welcoming Ellise, my second australian shepherd into my life. Before her arrival, I was overwhelmed with fear. I prepared as much as I could, digging deep into myself, questioning everything.
Am I ready for a new little one? Am I just trying to fill the void after Karmus, the 15 years old souldog i had to let go some month ago? Will I be able to love her for who she is? Can I love her as much as I love Eliott? Is Eliott ready to share his life with a little companion? Will I have enough time to dedicate to her alongside my practice, PhD, and book writing? What unexpected challenges could arise? Is there any way to prepare for them?
In hindsight: Eliott has become more reactive because he’s protective of her. The little one has extreme separation anxiety, so I have to take her everywhere with me. This has led us to explore dog-friendly Budapest, cafes, restaurants, bars, the hairdresser, meetings, lab sessions, business calls, she’s there with me through it all.
Bringing Ellise into my life was a decision I could never regret! But if I could take back every “yes, of course” from the past week and two-thirds of the messages I sent, that would be great.
