In search of true freedom-chronicles of my everyday struggles and small victories, for now in the Big Apple.
I am a 39-year-old clinical health psychologist, lifestyle medicine practitioner, science communication expert, and multi-book author. Currently, I am writing my dissertation as the world’s first candidate in Medical Futures.
I come from Budapest, Hungary. For a long time, I had been contemplating moving abroad, but it wasn’t until last year-after my old souldog passed away-that I finally decided the time had come.
Since then, I’ve traveled a lot, trying to find the place where I truly want to live. I’ve been to Austria, Slovenia, Croatia, Italy, Switzerland, Germany and France, always looking at each place through the lens of What would it be like to live here? What would I do here?
The problem is, I want everything at once. I want cold winters with snow, but also hot summers filled with the scent of sunscreen. I crave both complete solitude and silence, as well as the pulse and chaos of the city.
I want deep rest, but also to push myself to total exhaustion. I want to disappear, dissolve, and blend into the background, but at the same time, I want to see and be seen, to make an impact. And above all, I want to explore, because unfortunately, I get bored of everything far too quickly.
As an adult, I was diagnosed with ADHD and severe anxiety, something that, in hindsight, explains a lot.
I wasn’t planning the trip to New York, I somehow randomly ended up in a group of strangers and come to visit, without any intention of moving here. I was just coming for ten days. And then, well, I got screwed because I fell in love. Not just with the city, but also with a guy I happened to meet on my very last day here. Ok, with him, I wish I had never met, but that’s another story.
So far, New York seems to be the perfect fit for somebody who wants everything but doesn’t really want anything enough.
Join me, let’s figure out together if NY is a destination or just an other station in my life, on my journey to find my freedom, true love, and a little bit of self-acceptance.
I hope that by sharing my story with you, it might soften the weight of my relentless, aching loneliness 7073 kilometers far from my friends and family, and maybe ease yours too. What I’ve learned in 16 years as a practicing psychologist, it’s this no matter who we are, whether in a relationship, married, single, young, or old… we are all f@cking alone. Even when we’re not.
If there’s one thing I truly know, it’s how to weave words into meaning. So let’s connect through them.
And by connect, I mean truly connect, not the usual social media b@llshit way.
I promise I won’t only show the shiny parts. You’ll see it all, the ugly, the boring, and the happy moments too. And more often than not, you’ll meet two wonderful but crazy australian shepherds, the only loves in my life I can say for sure will last a lifetime.
What a beautiful, small piece of safety it is to be blessed with that, to have someone in my chaotic, unsettled, curious, but mostly terrifying little life. Someone who stays.
So, what do you think, are you ready? Shall we?
Last year, on Ellise’s first birthday, I joked that the whole United States was celebrating her. Since every Fourth of July the sky explodes into colours anyway, so why couldn’t I believe that millions secretly set off fireworks just for one ridiculously happy little Australian Shepherd. I don’t think she
Oh, what a month! I always seem to start like this, but I don’t mind, because all these “What a months” actually mean a “What a life!” I don’t think I could aim for more. This month began with an UNMUTED event, where AI was on trial. As a Medical Foresight PhD candidate,
I am a clinical health psychologist, science communicator and lifestyle medicine practitioner with 16 years of experience working with individuals living with chronic illnesses, especially endometriosis and infertility, as well as the healthcare professionals who care for them. Over time, I observed something that profoundly changed my perspective on healthcare.
hello@restlessnewyorker.us